The Notes
by The High Functioning Timelord
Summary: Post Fall. Johnlock. John is left alone to deal with life without Sherlock. He's come to the decision that will change many lives forever. Before he does it he leaves notes, but what happens when Sherlock comes back just in time, or is he? P.S. I own nothing, just imagine if I did. Well let's ponder that though, with both Moffat and I writing. Well just read the story.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so I hope you like this! Please Read and Review!**

John sat down. He had made up his mind. Life without Sherlock wasn't worth living. Lestrade, Molly, and even Mrs. Hudson had stopped coming. John knew even as detached as he was he couldn't just leave them, so he did what people do. Leave a note. Well he was going to leave a few more than one, but it was his way of saying goodbye. So John started. The sooner he finished the notes the sooner he could be with Sherlock.

Dear Mrs. Hudson,

You are as dear to me as a mother. You will be the person I miss the most. I'm sorry I shut you out, I just shut down when Sherlock died. You were the person who stayed with me the longest. I hope I will not hurt you too bad with my death. I want you to know I will be better off. Being dead with a chance of being with him is better than being alive with none.

John Watson

Dear Mum and Dad,

I wish I had been with you more the last few years. After I came back from Afghanistan I was a mess. As I'm sure Harry told you. Then I met someone. Not romantically, but truthfully I would have liked it to continue. Sherlock Holmes made me feel alive again, but when he jumped I died inside. All I am doing is finishing the job. I am truly sorry if you don't understand, but I need to do this.

John Watson

Dear Molly,

I am sorry that I never got to know you as well as I should have. You helped me so much after his death. You most likely added a few months or more, and I thank you. I think you of all people will understand why I did this, and why I had to. I know you can achieve greatness.

John Watson

Dear Lestrade,

I must say you were a good mate, and I will miss you. I really should be mad at you for what happened with Sherlock, but I am instead feeling sadness for you and the rest of you at NSY.I feel sad at the fact you never saw Sherlock the way I did. He was truly brilliant, and the fact that you doubted him makes me feel bad for you. So I forgive you all of you.

John Watson

Dear Harry,

I am sorry I couldn't help you. I don't know where we lost touch. Between your drinking and Clara I was blinded. When my Sister needed me I was mad and left her. I wish I could have been there for you. I also hope you will understand my decision to do this

John Watson

He wrote one last card, and set them in a manila envelope. He then wrote on it To be read at my funeral. He then walked into Sherlock's bedroom. As he heard someone walking upstairs. He heard the person walking around the flat. He then looked out the door to see Sherlock.

"Oh it's you. You would come for this," John said with almost no emotion.

"What would I come for?" Sherlock asked confused.

"Come on in," John gave him a small slightly. Sherlock continued to look confused when he went into his bedroom.

"John what's going on?" Sherlock asked very confused and very worried.

"It won't be long now," John said. That was when Sherlock noticed the gun.

"John no, I'm real I'm living," Sherlock scrambled to say something that would get John to stop this.

"Sherlock don't make this harder for me, I'll be with you soon," As he said this he raised the gun to his chest. Sherlock leaned over and kissed John.

"John I'm real," Sherlock was crying. "John," He choked out.

"Sherlock I asked you to not make this harder for me," Sherlock saw John was going to shoot, and did all he could, and hit the gun away from John's heart, but it hit his wounded shoulder instead.

John felt the blackness coming in, but this was different he could still hear.

"We need an ambulance," He heard Sherlock say worried, and panicking. He tried to speak to tell him he was fine, but he wasn't. His shoulder was on fire, and he couldn't open his eyes. He felt Sherlock's hand in his, and his mouth near his ear.

"Please John, John, I need you to survive, I need you to be okay, I need you." John could feel Sherlock's tears falling on his face, but he couldn't open his eyes, or his mouth. Then John heard at least three people running up the stairs.

"Sir will you please step away?" A voice John didn't recognize asked. As he felt Sherlock's hand leave his he wanted it back there.

"Wound's not too bad," Another unfamiliar voice said.

"Although it did cause a lot of blood loss, and it hit where he had an old wound. John felt them lift him up off the bed, and onto a hard board and started carrying him.

John heard the sirens, the sound of a moving vehicle, but no Sherlock. He longed to hear that voice again. He's alive, and he cares. John just kept thinking this the whole ride to the hospital, and knowing he would make it through this if he just thought about this.

**I hope you like it so far it will have multiple chapters so please follow and review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry, this one is short, but I hope you like it!**

**Thanks to all of my followers and the one favorite.**

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**Thank you all! Now to the story...**

As they entered the Hospital John heard Sherlock's voice.

"I want to see him, let me through," Sherlock barked at someone.

"No he needs surgery," The someone responded.

"Fine but I need to see him as soon as he's out," Sherlock demanded sounding worried..

"That will depend on the doctor sir, I must go," As the someone wheeled John away he could feel the tile beneath him. John felt relief and anxiety run through him as he realised it was Barts. All the sudden John stopped moving, and He realized he was in the OR. Then his hearing and feeling dulled. Anestesia, John realized as his brain went black completely.

He woke up groggy, but everything suddenly sharpened when he heard Sherlock's voice.

"You need to let me through,"

"I am sorry sir only family," Some man answered. John went to say that Sherlock could stay, but he found he couldn't move anything.

"Why not?" John heard Sherlock almost yell.

"He's comatose in critical condition," The man responded.

John heard Sherlock stomp off, but he knew he was most likely texting Mycroft.

John hated it when no one was in the room, because he could hear all of the machines beeping, keeping him breathing, keeping him alive. After what seemed like forever just with the machines. John heard Sherlock's footsteps along with Mycroft, his umbrella hitting the floor every so often.

"My brother would like to visit Dr. Watson," Mycroft never asks anything, and it wasn't a request, it was an order.

"Yes sir," The man responded.

The next second John felt Sherlock's hand in his.

"John, I know you most likely don't hear me, but I have to explain why I jumped.".

Go on. John thought.

"He threatened me. Moriarty threatened me. He had assassins on Mrs. Hudson, Lestrade, and you. I spent those three years looking for Moriarty's men. It was so long, but I had to make sure everyone of them was gone, because, if you, John, were dead, I don't know, what I would do.". He finished choking the last bit out.

John wanted to throw his arms around Sherlock and never let go.

"I hope you can forgive me," Sherlock tightened his grip.

Of course I can you bloody git, John thought as Sherlock said that.

"Sherlock I must go now, but I will assure you that you will have no more trouble geting in here," With that I heard the clicking of Mycroft's umbrella on the floor.

"My brother disagrees with my theory that you can hear me, but we both know he's an idiot," John could tell Sherlock smiled as he said it.

"John I must leave for a few minutes. I haven't eaten in days, and I could hear your voice in my head telling me to go eat." John smiled internally as Sherlock said this, but he went cold when Sherlock left. The sound of the machines that were keeping him alive consumed him.

**Please Review! I'll try to update soon!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry for the wait, but I wanted this to be good and it took a while to get it write. (I'll elaborate bellow if you are interested.) Please R and R**

John was just starting to panic when Sherlock came back in.

"John I'm back," As Sherlock said that the beeping of the machines left John's head.

"Mrs. Hudson, Molly, and Lestrade all came to visit, but the doctor said they couldn't yet. Mrs. Hudson told me that she had read it helps if I talk about what you would like, and now that I'm back I figured I'd answer some questions you've had." John was very intrigued by the prospect of this.

"I'll start with my childhood. I was actually a semi-normal child. I was more intelligent than the rest of them, obviously, but I had better people skills, as Mummy likes to call them. My family life was troubled. My parents got separated when I was seven. That lasted for about a year. Then other than the fighting things went back to normal for four years until they separated again. That lasted for about a month when my parents got divorced. I should have noticed the signs, but I was blinded by the fact I wanted a family. That was when I was in sixth grade. Most likely the worst age. I was also having issues with bullying. Not physical mental. So I shut them out. The problem was I even shut out the kids who were trying to help. They couldn't help, they never understood." Sherlock trailed off not saying anything else. John just wanted to hold Sherlock. John knew Sherlock needed to say it, and now Sherlock needed John, but he was in this bloody coma. John felt Sherlock place his head on him, and John wanted to stay like that forever.

"John," Sherlock choked out. John could tell Sherlock was crying. He was crying tears that had been held for all to long. "John I was weak. I didn't have anyone to turn to so I turned to drugs. They slowed down my head, I needed that. I was in the car with mummy and my cousin. I realized I couldn't be truly happy. My cousin immediately told me everyone could be truly happy. My mother proceeded to explain to him that I was correct. How everything that went through my head, and how I never just saw the good I saw everything. I always wondered why the kids at school could act like they did, and one day I got it. They weren't looking at the big picture. Every decision I made I weighed the pros and cons. I thought everyone did that, but it was then I realized almost nobody did it. I was never truly happy. Then I met you. Sure I liked the cases before, but that was when I could ignore the pros and cons, but then you came. I started seeing the pros and cons again. I didn't want to lose you. The funny thing was as I got close to you, you're the only person who has more pros than cons. I started worrying when I thought you might be hurt. I thought I might lose the only person who I cared about." Sherlock was crying and John found himself willing everything he had to squeeze Sherlock's hand. I felt my fingers wrap around Sherlock's for just a second then they went motionless again. Sherlock lifted his head off of John's chest.

"John, you can hear me," Sherlock said as he held John's hand. "I promise you I won't leave

**Okay, so I hope you like it. Why it took so long was that Sherlock's childhood was hard to write. Coming up with the story wasn't hard, other than the drugs it's all true, but it wouldn't have been hard anyways. The hard bit was writing it out with John's reaction, but it's done. Sorry it's small I'll try to write more next time. Please Review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Alright sorry again that it's small, but I wanted to stop here because of where the plot line goes. Please Review!**

He did leave eventually to go to the bathroom, but other than that John knew he was there all to time.

"Last time you reacted to me telling you a story about me so I'll tell you another," Sherlock sounded like he had been debating whether to tell this to John or not.

"You've asked me about my drug years before, and I've ignored you or made a comment about the past staying the past, but you deserve to know." John was very excited. Sherlock was right he had always evaded the question instead of answering John.

"I was fifteen when I started. I did heroin. As you remember my childhood wasn't the best. I also realized why my cousin's voice and the way he acted bothered me. It was because he was so carefree, so happy I wondered how he could be like that, and I wanted to feel that way. I knew how Heroin could slow down your thought process, and I knew that was what I needed. So I got some, and it felt wonderful John. I felt free, and my mind was calm, It was bliss. So I continued using it to the point I was in that state more often than I was in my real mind. It was so perfect and I didn't care I wasn't really living, I didn't care about anything." Sherlock took a breath, and John got a very protective feeling. People had told Sherlock he was different and tormented him no wonder he had wanted to feel that way.

"Then I met Lestrade, he wasn't detective inspector yet, but he still had some power over regular civilians. I was in jail for a week thanks to Mycroft, and I started smoking. The effect was so different, and I had to smoke more to get the effect that I wanted. It wasn't illegal so there was no chance of being in trouble. Every now and then I'd have a little Heroin to get the euphoria that I wanted. When Mycroft finally straightened me out it was after an overdose. I had a bad day, and I needed to feel better. I just injected a bunch in me, and I almost died. Mycroft made me go into rehab, and I got better. I even stopped smoking for a little bit I do every once in awhile I had one, but I don't anymore . I returned to life, but I was back to being special, different, a freak." To hear Sherlock say that nearly made John cry. He was not special or different. He was Bloody Sherlock Holmes a genius, brilliant, and most definitely not a freak.

"I want you to know that I do know about the time you yelled at the Yard. John you didn't have to, but Thank you," Sherlock went quiet, and John thought of the time he had yelled at the Yard. It was after Sherlock's death, and he was a mess. He went in and yelled about how it was their fault, and he had gotten out of hand. He had to be brought out by security guards.

John stirred slightly, and he felt Sherlock right next to him with his hand in John's.

"John please wake up, for me," Sherlock whispered into John's ear.

**Please Review and tell me what you think!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay sorry that it took so long, but this story is getting a good response and I don't want to ruin it. So here you go here's more, I hope you like it, and please review.**

John stirred, and opened his eyes slightly.

"Sherlock," John murmured.

"John," Sherlock responded smiling.

That was when the nurses ran in, telling Sherlock to move, and tended to John.

"I'm fine just let me see Sherlock," John said as the nurses were checking his vitals, and changing his IV.

"Mister Watson, this is protocol," A male nurse said as he took John's pulse.

"That's Doctor Watson to you, and I know that protocol doesn't need to be done by five nurses," John snapped. Four of the nurses left leaving the male nurse that had talked to John.

"Sherlock," John smiled looking at Sherlock. Tears started to form from joy. Sherlock was back. He was slightly skinnier, but altogether not too bad off.

"John," Sherlock replied, getting closer and taking John's hand in his.

"Don't you ever scare me like that again," John responded. As he sat up, and pulled Sherlock down into a kiss.

"I won't," Sherlock said as he bent down for another kiss. A small noise of disgust came from the corner.

"Would you stop that?" The nurse complained.

Sherlock broke the kiss, and looked at the nurse. "What is your name?" He asked.

"Joseph," the nurse replied.

"Well Joseph, mind your own buisness," Sherlock snapped, and started kissing John again.

As John and Sherlock kissed they heard the door open, and broke apart.

"What happened to not being gay?" Lestrade asked as he walked into the room.

"I never said I wasn't bisexual," John replied laughing.

Mrs. Hudson smiled, "I always knew you two would get together."

That was when Mycroft walked in.

"Good to see you all got the message John was awake," He said as he entered, leaning on his umbrella.

"Why is everyone standing? Sit down," Mrs. Hudson commented.

Sherlock sat down on the side of John's bed holding John's hand, Greg sat down on a couch, Mrs. Hudson sat in a chair and Mycroft stayed standing.

"Mycroft do sit down," Sherlock scolded him.

"Brother where would I sit?" Mycroft replied.

"On the couch with Lestrade," Sherlock explained.

Mycroft sighed and sat down next to Lestrade leaving an obvious gap between them.

"So," John said breaking the silence, "What did I miss?"

"Not much mate," Greg replied laughing. "It's good to see you are feeling better." Everyone knew Greg wasn't just referring to the coma. It had been three years since John had been happy.

"Well you can thank Sherlock for everything, he managed to wake me up," John said as he smiled at Sherlock.

"I wouldn't want to have to listen to my brother either," Mycroft added with what could almost be called a smile.

John laughed slightly and replied, "I actually wouldn't mind hearing more."

Sherlock squeezed John's hand slightly and smiled back.

"See I always told you that you two were meant for each other," Mrs. Hudson commented as she smiled motherly at the two of them.

"I should have listened sooner," John replied kissing Sherlock on his cheek. Everyone laughed slightly at the look of surprise that crossed Sherlock's face.

"Well brother I am sorry to say I must go," Mycroft said as he exited the room.

"Oh just look at the time, sorry I have to run. Silvia and I are having tea together." Mrs. Hudson added as she looked up at the clock on the wall. She then got up and kissed John on the forehead. "When you get back I'll make you a lovely diner.

"I can't wait," John said smiling.

As Mrs. Hudson left Lestrade looked at Sherlock and commented, "Sherlock John must be getting hungry why don't you get him something to eat."

Sherlock looked at John and John nodded as if to say yes I am hungry and yes you can leave the room. So Sherlock left leaving Lestrade and John alone.

"I'm so sorry John, I could have, should have been a better friend."

"Greg there was nothing you could have done. Once Sherlock fell it was a downward spiral. I wouldn't have wanted to be around me either," John replied honestly.

"I still should have been there," Lestrade replied guiltily.

"Well look at it this way, I'm fine," John responded smiling at Lestrade.

"Alright, but if you need me for anything."

"I'll give you a call. Got it." John smiled, and looked over at Sherlock walking into the room.

"I've got to go," Lestrade said as he read a text, and left the room in a hurry.

"What was that about?" Sherlock asked as he handed John a salad.

"Nothing, Greg was just being silly." John started eating, and smiled at Sherlock.

**Alright so, I'm sorry I know the stopping point was bad. I hope you like it so far. Please Review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey I'm so sorry for the long break I'll try to make it shorter, but it's summer break and I am very busy. Please Review.**

They ate in companionable silence, stealing glances at each other, and reminding themselves the other is okay.

Sherlock finished eating first, and smiled slightly as he curled up next to John. John finished eating a minute later, he turned on his side and wrapped his arms around Sherlock. He kissed the top of Sherlock's head, and held him. It was what John had wanted to do since Sherlock got back.

"Sherlock can you promise me if you fake your death you'll be in touch sooner, and by sooner I mean right away." John made enough space so the could look into each other's eyes.

"I promise John," Sherlock said kissing him lightly on the lips then hugging John again. John truly couldn't think of anything better than this.

"I was broken again," John said softly leaning his head on Sherlock's. "I started having nightmares again, but they were different. I would see you up on the roof, I would beg and plead, but you never came down not once. I did dream you were back once, but you just kept running off forgetting me. That was when the hallucinations started. That was why I acted like that when you came in I thought you were a hallucination." By now John was crying. His tears would roll down his face and onto Sherlock's hair.

"I know," Sherlock responded resting his head next to John's on the pillow.

"I missed you, and so I hid in the shadows with disguises on watching you and making sure you were okay," Sherlock said as he curled back, and rested with his head buried in John's chest. John felt Sherlock's breath slow as he fell asleep. He smiled thinking about Sherlock. People only saw the hard exterior, the cold calculating side of him. John saw Sherlock for who he really is, a kid who grew up too fast and was never truly cared for. John knew he would always care for Sherlock. He had never truly believed in the phrase soulmate, but if there were soulmates Sherlock was his. John smiled at the thought, and fell into his first peaceful sleep in three years.

He woke up, and got scared all that had happened was a dream. Where was Sherlock? That was when Sherlock walked out of the bathroom. John calmed down, and rolled onto his back. Sherlock sat on the edge of John's bed and smiled.

"John would you like to go downstairs for breakfast?" Sherlock asked as he handed John some fresh clothes, and a box of things from the flat.

"Sounds good," John said smiling back.

John got changed, and they started to walk down to the cafeteria. Sherlock had laced his fingers in John's as they were walking down the stairs. John had just turned to say something to Sherlock when they bumped into Molly and the papers she was carrying went flying.

"Oh I'm sorry I should have been looking where I was going she responded automatically not even looking up before she went to pick up her papers.

John laughed slightly and bent down to help pick up the papers.

"It's fine Molly it was my fault," He responded kindly.

"Oh John it's you. I heard what happened. How are you?" Molly asked as she stood up.

"Good I'm doing much better thanks to Sherlock," He responded smiling.

"Molly," Sherlock acknowledged her.

"It's good to see you to Sherlock," Molly responded.

"Now I believe we were going to get some breakfast," John turned to Sherlock and smiled.

"Well I won't hold you up," Molly responded. "It was good seeing you two." She rushed off to wherever she was going.

**Okay I hope you liked it, Please Review!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry This is short but you'll see why at the end. Please Review!**

"John why don't you find us a table. I can get us food," Sherlock said turning to John and smiling slightly.

"Sounds good," John said walking towards a table. He was feeling slightly tired, and his muscles were sore.

He waited for a few minutes and smiled at Sherlock as he walked over with a tray of food.

"Toast, jam, and coffee," Sherlock said smiling back and sitting down across from John. John took a bite of the toast. John closed his eyes and chewed slowly. He had just realized how hungry he really was.

Sherlock smirked and looked at John.

"What?" John asked when he opened his eyes to see Sherlock starring.

"Nothing, you're just," Sherlock trailed off.

John smiled and responded "I'm what?"

"You're everything I ever wished for," Sherlock finished, looking down at the table, and biting his lip.

John looked at Sherlock and smiled. He knew that this must be hard for Sherlock.

"Sherlock I never knew I could even wish for someone like you. I don't even think for a second I deserve you. But I have you and I promise I'll never leave you." John smiled and finished his toast. Sherlock was looking at John again.

"Come on," John said getting up and grabbing Sherlock's hand. They walked up the stair hand in hand. As they got to John's room John got back in his bed and Sherlock sat on the side of it.

John sat up and kissed Sherlock. It only lasted seconds because he saw Lestrade enter.

"Lestrade, what are you doing back so soon? I thought you had a case." John said looking over Sherlock's shoulder and at Lestrade, ignoring Sherlock staring at him.

"That's why I'm here, Sherlock?" Was all Greg had to say.

"No," Sherlock responded still looking at John. "I'm not leaving John."

"Sherlock I'm fine," John said turning his attention back to Sherlock.

"Are you sure?" Sherlock asked.

"Yes, now go solve the murder, and get back here," John smiled and kissed Sherlock lightly.

Sherlock got up and got ready. It took him seconds to grab his long coat and scarf. As he put them on You could tell he had done it hundreds of times. John watched him and smiled. He loved Sherlock, he had wanted to tell him in the cafeteria, but he knew Sherlock could be skittish about these things, and thanks to Sherlock he had his whole life to say it.

John looked around the room, his eyes resting on the box Sherlock had brought from the flat.

As John grabbed the box and brought it to his lap he saw the manila envelope sticking out. He closed his eyes to hold back the flood of emotions that filled him. He grabbed the envelope and two thoughts passed through his head. The first one was to burn it nobody had to know. The other was that he didn't know what was going to happen. So he grabbed the pad of paper and started writing.

As John finished he blinked away tears and put the note into the envelope. He'd burn it when this was all over. Burn his fears and problems away. Once he was out everything would be better. Just a few more days in here and I'm free.

John frowned as his chest tightened up and breathing became harder, but it passed after a few minutes.

"Joseph, right?" John said as the nurse passed by.

"Yes, is everything alright?" Joseph asked walking in and checking John's vitals.

"On any of my medication is trouble breathing a symptom?" John asked.

"Three actually, have you been having trouble?" Joseph asked getting his stethoscope ready.

"Just a little tightness nothing too bad," John responded sitting up so Joseph could check on his lungs.

Joseph checked on John and after finding nothing out of the ordinary smiled. "Dr. Watson if you have anymore issues please page me."

With that he left leaving John alone again. John turned on the TV and ended up watching a few episodes of Doctor Who. He had seen them all, but didn't mind re watching them.

John woke up. He wasn't sure when he fell asleep but he thought it was some point during Dinosaurs on a Spaceship. Shame, he had always liked that episode. He looked over at his phone and noticed he had a message.

John propped himself up, leaned on his right arm, reached over with his left hand, and grabbed his phone. He smiled as he noticed it was from Sherlock. God I'm acting like a teenager, he thought as he read the message.

Be back at 5:00 -SH

John looked at the clock and frowned slightly. Only 2:00, John was still tired so he settled down and slept.

John woke up with a start. He felt tears falling down his face. He had memory of a nightmare. He looked over at a clock 5:00 on the nose. Where was Sherlock? Where was anybody? Then it hit John like a brick wall. It wasn't a nightmare. John Hamish Watson was dead.

**Okay There will be more! I repeat there will be more! Two or three more chapters, and a sister fic told from Sherlock's point of view. Please Review!**


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